Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Five Things I Hate about Fantasy Baseball

It goes without saying that I love fantasy baseball. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have created this site. And I clearly wouldn't have put my day job and marriage in jeopardy time and time again to check Rotoworld's player news umpteen times a day.

But that's not to say that some aspects of this game don't annoy me more than a "He went to Jared!" commercial. Well, okay, not that much; but you get the point. And I'm sure you have your share of gripes as well. So, by all means, put them in a comment below!

Here are my top five:

5. Power hungry commissioners - I appreciate that, without the dudes who step up to act as commissioners, there would be no fantasy baseball (except, of course, that of the Sporting News/CDM/ESPN variety). But some guys suck the fun out of it with their Henry VIII style of leadership. You wonder if they revel in their one chance to exert some authority, because at home they get treated like the referee with the screaming wife in the Budweiser commercial. (Man, I need to be quicker with the DVR fast forward.) The worst commissioner I ever had was actually in an "experts" league started by a radio talk show host by the name of Dave Volin who used to have me on his show Roto Rooting regularly. Somehow the commish got the impression that two of the owners were colluding and froze their rosters. That's when all hell broke loose. The two owners and the commish began exchanging progressively nastier messages on the league message board. Then other owners started chiming in, and the commish started locking dudes out left and right...purely out of spite! It was such a mess that he would misinterpret posts from owners who tried to defend him and lock them out! In the end, about half of the owners got locked out--including Volin!

4. Guilt - When my wife and I are lounging on the couch at night with our laptops, and she (Mrs. Overachiever) is cranking out some grad school homework or presentation for work, and I (Mr. Underachiever) am perusing box scores, sometimes I can't help but think of all the more productive things I could be doing: shoveling the snow on the walkway, reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, checking my kid's homework folder, calling my grandmother, brushing my dog's teeth, yoga, etc., etc., etc. Oh well, at least I'm not at the strip joint.

3. Mr. Friends and Family - I respect dudes who are tight with their friends and extended family...just so long as they don't go inviting Cousin Edmund--who thinks “soccer field” when he hears the word “pitch” and “Odyssey” when he hears the word “homer”--to join our league! Bring some fish into the mix, and suddenly it's all about who can fleece him worse than Danny Ocean and who can spend the most time hawking the wire, so they can be there when the newb dumps Chone Figgins.

2. Dudes who won't trade even when they're in last place - Nothing screams "wuss bag" more than some guy who won't pull the trigger on a trade when he's cemented at the bottom of the standings. You know your team sucks. You know you have no place to go but up. Yet you're content to linger in mediocrity? Hats off to my bud, The Thief, who named his hoops squad "TeamHappy@Basement" to mock the wussies in our league.

1. Dead beats - When dudes don't pay the league entry fee, it gives me renewed appreciation for the collection tactics of bookies. You know, I still haven't been paid for a football league I won in 2007! That's like four pair of Saucony Grids that could be gracing my closet (or should I say the corner of my wife’s closet that she so generously let's me use.)

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