Here are my top five resolutions for the 2009 season:
- I will not be dissuaded from trying to make trades…even after fielding 40 offers of journeymen players who had one good week for my #1 pick and 30 offers of multiple Pirates backups for my #2 pick…and having 20 totally reasonable trade proposals laughed obnoxiously off the table …and watching 10 completely fair deals I made get vetoed by haters who’d rather see Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience than my team improve.
- Though I will voluntarily turn off MLB Extra Innings to put on something the rest of the family wants to watch, I will draw a hard line at Dancing with the Stars, Castle, or anything on the Disney Channel.
- I will not take fantasy advice from anyone in the mainstream sports media who has finally decided to jump on the fantasy baseball bandwagon, even though they considered it a game for dweebs just five years ago. (Useless trivia: “dweeb” was originally an acronym for “dicks with eyebrows.”)
- I will not draft Rich Harden this year…even if he looks like Walter Johnson in Spring Training…and he slips to the 12th round…and he promises to get me a date with Alyssa Milano…and my wife says it’s okay. Actually, I take that back.
- I will not give in to pleas from my compassionate side to refrain from personal attacks when responding to smack talk. They drew first blood. Ear hair is fair game.
Got any resolutions of your own? Post a comment!
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